Some of you still think there’s a war on Christmas.
I mean, didn’t Fox News — facetiously or otherwise — declare victory, and presumably an end to all hostilities?
In case you need more assurance, here’s some good news: Donald Trump — assuming you can wait this long — promised to win The War if he’s elected in 2016.
But should you choose to remain on post to defend against someone wishing you “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” — thus by extension of your logic, declaring a war on your right to slug it out with a perfect stranger over who will buy the last $100 doorbuster flat-screen plasma TV — this post is for you.
I want you to look up “Holiday” in an entomology dictionary.
“Holiday” comes from the Old English term “haligdæg” which means “holy” (halig) and “day” (dæg).
How can “Happy Holy Days” sound so offensive?
Did Camel cigarettes declare war on Christmas, and thus America, when it used the term during the mid-1930s?
I get the sense that Camel had a less ambitious agenda: to sell cigarettes.
I’ve been known to say “Happy Holidays” under two conditions.
First — to wish you well across multiple holidays, particularly if I may not see you for a while. Think of the greeting as inefficient two-word device for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Day.
Second — some of you completely get the idea that America is a nation of people who practice several different faiths, but what appears to be lost in your furor is the fact that December is also a busy month for other religions.
Jews celebrate Chanukkah in December.
While Kwanzaa is not a religion, some people choose to only recognize that holiday in December.
Buddhists observe Bodhi Day during the last month of our calendar year.
Hindus celebrate Pancha Ganapati.
Atheists may half-heartedly celebrate any religious holiday at best, but I still want to wish them well.
Dare I say this — the Prophet Muhammad was born in December. Yes, Muslims celebrate that day.
And of course, Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus in December.
Therefore, in the absence of a strong clue with regard to your religious beliefs — and as opposed to pulling out a “What’s Your Religion” checklist” prior to giving you a proper greeting — I simply say “Happy Holidays.” I also use that greeting when addressing mixed audiences.
Since your brains are resting on the foam-in-mouth switch in search of additional enemies of Christmas, you and your friends haven’t yet figured out that you were suckered into yet another partisan social issue smokescreen, designed to keep you from realizing that both major parties have been robbing from you and the rest of the country.
I wish you an enlightened and Merry Christmas.
For the rest of you Happy Holidays…
song currently stuck in my head: “santa” – lightnin’ hopkins